MIND TRAINING

I.



  Lucky to be alive

  & meditate

  in a human body,

      even sick -

Death around the

  corner, big axe -

Karma ripening continual

      rain of white &

	   black

Heaven & Earth swollen

      misery

I remember my root

      teacher w/relief







II.



cabin walls a

      flickering movie? Doug

whistling for lunch

  dream-like?

If he interrupts

  this poem, will

I wake up?







III.



Dream: I look for

  Lama Lodrû Kagyu

  teacher friend

  hearing

he's ill & I'm ill, too -

  I enter his room

and he says "I've

been trying to find

you - I wanted you

  to know illness

is just phenomena"  









IV.



- Remember Buddha's heart

   in all beings w/ determination



- Visit regularly



- No vacations



- Reproach ego's lie



- Aspire to no effort







V.



     Angry thought

of punching him -

     Grief, I'm

             crying on the

     floor -

Joyful mind is

     sometimes with

me - Regret

     my dark reward -

I hollered for

  my guru -

Hit my hand

'til swollen blue -

Sometimes I

praise the Dharma -

Intention gets

  me through -







VI.



Maybe the storm's

done - the outside

washing machine

hums mystically

      while the jays

discuss plans -

      yes, I'm discouraged

but at 40

  I wait it out - pray -

mind's lies will perish

      I am certain - the

washer suddenly ceases

  when I write "certain"







VII.



I can't just save

    my mother, all

beings having

        been her -

can't just save myself

    a phantom,

	                moon

      in the rain

    barrel -

I put Peter S.'

      photo dying AIDS

  in the small frame

    near my practice table -

all beings won't fit there -

may they fit in

  empty heart

BLOOD-DRINKING GURU



Dream:

I am on a gurney

	unable to

  move, maybe strapped

down in some hospital -

  there are others around

me - a nurse

  comes up - dressed

more like a career

  woman - and slips

a Tibetan offering

scarf - a kata -

  over my face

  and prepares an

  injection - under

  my chin I think -

  "We're draining

your blood" the

         shot some sort

of knock-out or

    anesthetic to

keep me from struggling

- I get it, it's a

    vampire scheme -

all these bodies to

  be milked - "Who's

getting my blood?"

    "Your teacher," she

says - No shit,

  I think, what

a dupe I've been!

as they wheel me away